So I was going to write about this shirt that I love for the blog carnival on “Church” today but I was making a comment at Stuff Christians Like and I realized something about Sex and the Church.
We tend to think that inviting people to church is the solution, and what’s worse we end up spending most of our time inviting people from other churches to our church so our church will grow. Think about it. It is much easier to invite a Christian to your church than a non-Christian. It is also easier to invite a non-Christian than to lead them to Christ yourself. This is the way the church acts as if it is growing when it is really full of cancer and is wasting away … at least in America.
Now what does this have to do with sex? Well think about this. If we make sex the goal, then lots of weird things happen. A single person starts chasing people to have sex with. Awkward dates lead to sex sure, but there is the anxieties leading up to, during, and after. Does this person like me? Are they willing to sleep with me? What do they think of the way I look naked? Are they enjoying this? They aren’t really saying anything. It all leads up to “so was it good for you?” Now this might be slightly alleviated in a marriage relationship, but even then these issues show up if sex is the goal.
Now compare this to inviting people to church. We try to look around and listen for someone to invite. Then we start sweating and nervously invite them. If they say yes we are almost shocked at we spit out the time and place. That morning we dress better and show up early when we are always late. Then we wait and think, “they aren’t coming.” When they finally show up we worry through the service. We watch them and try to figure out if they are having a good time. We try to help them avoid the sweaty hugger during the meet and greet. Are they bored? Did they get the joke? Is the worship to weird? Is the pastor performing? After it is all said and done, “so was it good for you?” Ok we might say, “so what did you think,” but I figure it is about the same.
So how do we fix this? Well with sex, if we focus on the relationship and build a strong healthy marriage then sex becomes a frigintastic benefit. It is great and something that can really draw a couple even closer. I think church is the same. What if we stopped thinking of church as the solution? What if we stopped inviting people to church? What if we started building relationships with people and helping them find Christ? Then Church becomes this amazing benefit to being a Christian. The community of faith will strengthen our walk as a Christian.
Ok, so here is the shirt,
This blog was written for the Blog Carnival at BridgetChumbly.com
Church 2 Point Oh
39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex
Cultivating Culturally Challenging Children
Something that sticks.
Boys have peanuts and girls have versace
You should change that shirt to something like "Don't have sex…. be the church"
No-one would get it but it would be hilarious!
This is a great post, Nick. One of the best I've ever seen on your blog – and that's saying something!
My recent post How to Prepare for an Important Ministry Position
Thank you very much. Also, that would make a great shirt.
Hi Nick, I just recently started working with WordPress again after not touch PHP for about 3 yrs and found your blog (nickthegeek.com) which led me to here.
It’s always a pleasant surprize to find another Christian developer.
Just wanted to say, be blessed in His Name!
Wow good post. I was just thinking about this kind of thing, and I think you put it into words effectively. I'm reminded of highschool (went to a christian highschool) and every friday at school would be a battle to see who could get the most to go to their youth group that night, even though pretty much everyone had their own church. No one really thought to go build relationships with people at work or where they volunteered. Nope, we just invited each other to church so we could brag about having the biggest and funnest youth group ever.
Ahh thank God I grew up and got smacked out of that ideology. Total crap.
But yeah, like you said, its about building relationships with people and through our lives and words, showing them the gospel, and the end result will be SEX!! haha I mean them believing in the Gospel =)
Yeah, I have to be honest I find myself getting into that thought mode myself. I think have the second largest group in the area but I want to compete against the guy with the largest group. He is a close friend of mine so it makes it worse. Then I let God remind me that He is doing the heavy lifting and so I cancel my regular Saturday night event and tell everyone to attend another church that is hosting a special event because God gets the glory not me.
Yeah I know what you mean. I think something that would strengthen our youth even greater is not necessarily cancelling our events so they can go to another churches events, but helping them see the importance of loving their own church and understanding the importance of being a part of a body. That could mean instead of church hopping for what you think you need from the spiritual buffet, sticking around ones own church saturday night and seeing if there are any needs in the congregation to help with, or even having the youth pair up with an older family in the congregation and get discipled. If we model this for others, maybe our churches would understand how to love each other, sacrifice for each other, and realize that being a part of a church means that you dont care if they have a super awesome fun filled calendar but a gospel preaching ministry that encourages disciple making and growth. And maybe thats how God would get the glory- his people knowing how to love each other in spite of differences and diversity.
My recent post Letters to Home: Thank You and Merry Christmas!
Yeah I know what you mean. I think something that would strengthen our youth even greater is not necessarily cancelling our events so they can go to another churches events, but helping them see the importance of loving their own church and understanding the importance of being a part of a body. That could mean instead of church hopping for what you think you need from the spiritual buffet, sticking around ones own church saturday night and seeing if there are any needs in the congregation to help with, or even having the youth pair up with an older family in the congregation and get discipled. If we model this for others, maybe our churches would understand how to love each other, sacrifice for each other, and realize that being a part of a church means that you dont care if they have a super awesome fun filled calendar but a gospel preaching ministry that encourages disciple making and growth. And maybe thats how God would get the glory- his people knowing how to love each other in spite of differences and diversity.
My recent post Letters to Home: Thank You and Merry Christmas!
That is something I am working on with the youth, but I'm also working on helping them to see the church is more than just our little group.
mmm indeed it is
My recent post Letters to Home: Thank You and Merry Christmas!
I liked your comments on Church performance anxiety. 🙂
My recent post Pretend Perfection
Thanks, I read that on SCL yesterday right after I made a comment about the church and sex so it really jumped out at me.
Well, that title got my attention — and I'm glad it did. And now I have to order the t-shirt. Great post.
It's a great t-shirt. Actually they have a lot of great shirts that aren't the traditional "take a popular secular idea and make it Christian." I hope you noticed that clicking the image takes you to the site.
Excellent post!
I like the comparison – but don't want to apply it to myself right now. I'm kind of annoyed with church (the overall church and my church) right now, so this comparison makes me wonder what I'm looking for … ouch.
I am very annoyed with the church in America right now but she is the Bride so time to start helping her instead of tearing her down right? I know if someone tears down my bride I'm gonna put the hurt on them, but if someone helps her I will be very gracious.
“I am very annoyed with the church in America right now but she is the Bride so time to start helping her instead of tearing her down right?”
Amen!! It’s time Christians stopped bashing the church and did something to make her more ready to meet the Bridegroom. It annoys me when I hear Christians speaking badly about the church (because I’ve also been there). Makes me want to ask: “If you think it’s so bad what are you doing to make it better?”
Now there's a divine title that will get you in everyone's searches. ! I wonder if that T-shirt would help solve our church's woes at this point – or at least serve as a distraction!
My recent post Here is the Church, Here is the Steeple…
I'll be praying for your church and your family. You don't even need to send me $1000 for those prayers.
Excellent analogy.
My recent post No Clever Title Today…Ten Dollar Challenge
Thanks.
Some analogies are more fun than others …
yep and anytime you can use sex it is always fun (#TWSS)
I am in total agreement- sex is fun. That was the point, right?
Oh wait, now I get it. Great analogy, Nick. Thanks…
nope I think that was the point.
Interesting analogy-it certainly grabs your attention. I was just thinking the other day that it has been a long time since I've heard anyone say "I was invited or I invited someone to my church." I wonder if there's any truth to my observation. In your opinion: "Have Christians given up on non-believers to a certain point?" Or "Are non-believers and Christians who don't attend church more skeptical and less approachable these days?" Thanks for leaving a comment on my post; I left you one back. Nice meeting you Nick :).
I think people feel religion is a highly personal topic and don't want to infringe on others. Of course this has more to do with the fact that we are cuting ourselves apart from others more than the reality that religion is personal. We are called to communal worship but we choose individual worship.
I think it is a sad byproduct of the Americanism that the individual is the most important segment of society.
Nice meeting you as well.
Laughing and smiling… but not missing the point!
Thanks for this, Nick.
"so was it good for you"
"they aren't coming"
Both statements that will stick with me… 😉
Thanks, the "so was it good for you" came from a comment on SCL though. I should try and figure out how to link to the comment.
Got to say. That has to be the first time I've seen church compared to sex. Maybe I'll preach on that Christmas day. 🙂 ha. All kidding aside…enjoyed the post. We definitely make witnessing this really awkward thing, but it doesn't need to be that way.
My recent post Church is Not a Book Club
I think this would make a great Christmas eve sermon and give parents a wonderful gift of answering awkward questions their kids ask.
This is a GREAT analogy, Nick! Very thought-provoking! 🙂
My recent post Blog Carnival: Why Don’t We Just Quit?
Thanks, even if you didn't find it scandalous.
oh…there's the " r " word again…relationship.
I know right? But I'm not afraid to use offensive words like that. 🙂
I would just like to add, in relation to the metaphor… that sometimes after sex it's so bad you do not go back again, don't call, don't write, don't send flowers. So when you have someone new to your church, make them welcome, not overwhelmed, and hopefully not bored.
I can see that with sex and also the church. Great point and also great advice.
EXCELLENT post! What a great comparison!!!
My recent post Blog Carnival: Church
Yep, I think I was part of that conversation over at Stuff Christians Like. I'm with you. As Christians, I think we use the church as a crutch instead of taking responsibility ourselves for our lost friends. The church is made up of people – you and me. If you and me don't become the church, no one else will.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
P. S. Also loved the "Don't have sex… be the church" T-shirt idea.
My recent post Why serve others
I agree, we have to be the church and not expect others to do it. always expecting someone else to do it is what got us in the mess we are in.
So you’re saying we shouldn’t invite people to the church, but bring the church to the people.
Oh, and something about sex.
<
Exactly.
bro… haha… is that a limited edition t shirt ? can i get one ?
If you click on the image it will take you to the site that sells the shirts. They have a lot of other shirts that are amazing too. Unless you are talking about the "don't have sex" shirt. That hasn't been made … yet.
Loved the post. It is much easier to go to church than it is to be the church. But I think the latter is what God really wants of us.
I'm not sure God ever calls us to go the easy path, you could almost make the right decision by just doing the harder of two choices almost every time, but the good news is He also wants to help us so that makes it easier.
This is an amazing post! Well said!
Nick, I’ve been reading your comments on SCL for a long time and today, I checked out your blog, too! Excellent post on church and sex. I will be back to check out your future posts!
Thanks. Sounds like you are new to SCL? I really love Jon’s blog. He is a great writer.
Nice post ! Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas !
Excellent analogy, particularly considering the bridal imagery that Christ uses in regards to his relation with the church. Sparked some kind of odd thoughts on how we could apply Song of Solomon to evangelism.
I totally agree with your main point. Flat-out asking someone to go to church without showing them through your example why Christianity is good is like asking a girl to marry you without courting (dating, wooing, whatever) her first. Our primary witness is our lives. As we build for Christ’s kingdom, we show the world how beautiful it is.