I’m too old for this the next day (aka Gravity why are you an old grump)

Gravity,

Why are you such an old grump? I know you are, at the minimum, over 10k years old. Many people believe you are billions of years old. This doesn’t mean you have to mock us in our old age. You should befriend us as we age. Make falls easier on us. Sure the law says we have to fall at the same rate, but you don’t have to be such a stickler for the rules. I’m not asking you to break the rules, just bend them a little. I know you bend the rules for your favorites like black holes and stuff, but some of those black holes that get special rules are very young.

Now I’m not saying that you have to listen to me, but you are being an old grouch. It hurts when you fall down hard, and one of these days I’m gonna ignore your silly rules. I’m going to zip right up into the air and meet the one that made your rules. Now I’m more special to him than those black holes are to you, so you might think about that next time you throw me to the ground. All I’m saying is slow me down just before I hit. No one will know and I can still pretend I’m not growing older.

Thanks a bunch,
Nick the Geek.