Super Youth Pastor v. Purple

Editor’s Note: This entry into the exploits of Super Youth Pastor is a couple of days late due to unforeseen complications. Please enjoy nonetheless.

This is the Fifth part of a series in the exploits of SYP. If you need to start at the beginning of the series please visit part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.

Before SYP knew what was happening Griz torched the sprinkler and the entire room took a cold shower. SYP couldn’t believe it. It was over. It was finally over. Then the laughing started.

SYP looked around to figure out what was going on. There in the center of the room the Cool Kid was laughing. It was just plain scary.

“Not so cool now are you Sup?”

“What are you talking about?”

“All of this was my plan to make you look like the fool you are. How did you like having to break all you own rules?”

“Kid, you did this?”

“Sure, but it gets better.” The Cool Kid just kept laughing as SYP looked around the room. The great piles of purple were slowly creeping towards each other. The whole time SYP felt frozen in place trying to understand what was happening. The slime began to take form. In moments he saw the figure of a beautiful purple woman.

He stared amazed at this purple creature when he heard, “wow, he’s cute,” from the crowd. That is when he figured it out. The purple became the object of lust in each person that was looking at it.

You will all come to me, the Purple figure called in a sultry voice. At once the entire group started to move towards this being. SYP felt the strongest pull to go towards the beauty before him. He did all he could to resist the pull but still felt his feet sliding forward against his will. SYP still had control of his hands so he raised his weapon and hosed the creature down with icy water.

Oh not water, the beast cried as it began melting into a pool of purple goo, What a world, what a … there was a gurgling pop as the last words escaped the slimy mass. SYP had been drawn to the very edge of the substance before he regained control.

SYP turned to find the Cool Kid so he could deal with the originator of the night’s problems. There he was, and SYP started to walk that direction but his feet seemed glued to the floor. He looked down to see that he must have stepped into the mass of ooze and it was very sticky. As he looked he noticed that it was creeping up his foot. The purple was not defeated and SYP was in the middle of it now. He began to violently pull against it with great purple ropes of slimy pulling his legs down no matter how hard he pulled. That is when he heard the funny bubbling laughter from all around him.

I’ll be gentle, don’t worry, the sound seemed to vibrate through his bones. SYP grabbed at the goo but pulling it away just got his hands stuck. Once you were in the purple it seemed to bind you completely.

Wait that was it. SYP remembered what he had said a few weeks ago about how lust can trap us. If we give in just a little it will pull us in completely till we are slaves to it. This must have been where the Cool Kid got the idea. How would this help him though? How do you get out of lust when you are in the middle of it. SYP thought back to all the times he would mess up his budding love life as a teen, the different things that would break up an intense make-out session came to his mind. There was no bra strap to fumble with but he knew plenty of things not to say in the bedroom so he fell back to his greatest weapon, sarcasm.

The slime has creeped to his waist when he said, “Hey, I feel some new curves.” The slime pulled back a little.

“Oh man, I think that the burrito from lunch is getting ready for a comeback f you know what I mean,” that exclamation really made the purple move, it was down to his knees. Guess it didn’t want to hang out around a burrito escape orifice.

“Hey, while you’re down there can you scratch my feet, I have a rash.” It was making a full retreat now and SYP was free.

Do you think it will be that easy?, cooed the purple as it took form again. None can resist me. Even the Cool Kid fell to my power.

So the CK wasn’t the one behind the plot but was a pawn of the Purple. That made sense. Purple was a master not a slave to be commanded. SYP needed to think quick, how could he combat the goo?

“Hey Sup, need some backup?” called the Naïve Intern. SYP looked to the door where the Naïve Intern stood with some sporting equipment. It seemed he raided the game closet for anything he could carry. The lights were still off so the Naïve Intern didn’t come into the darkness but SYP was already running towards him.

“Gimee that,” SYP yelled as he ran through the pool of light by the door. He caught the croquette mallet without stopping and continued back to where the Purple waited.

“Fore,” he shouted as he swung the mallet at the creature’s head.

Splotch. The mallet stuck deep in the center of the gelatinous head.

So you like sports? I love a big strong man playing sports, the Purple giggled as the mallet was absorbed into the purple.

SYP needed to think. He couldn’t touch the Purple or he would get pulled back in, and he couldn’t use other weapons against it because they got pulled in. He knew his sarcasm worked but it didn’t seem to hurt the being just pushed it back. What about light? The light seemed to change the Love Crazed Teen Zombies, so what would it do to the Purple?

SYP ran to the light panel but they had been destroyed.

Come back here super sexy, the siren voice called. Instantly SYP’s feet began turning. He tried and tried to stop as his body walked towards the beckoning beast. SYP started to use his Sarcasm to force a retreat in his advance but the Purple was prepared as whispered, shhhh, don’t talk. His mouth was closed against his words a slave to the Purple just as his feet.

How could he battle such a creature? It was too powerful and his strongest weapon was now useless.

Just then the door was kicked in and a cry flooded the room, “Stay away from my husband you freak.” SYP turned and saw his wife. Oh this night couldn’t get any worse, first he would fall then his wife would, or would the creature hold him helpless while his wife was enslaved before him? The crowd parted as the furious Super Wife stormed the room.

My dear, did you come to join your husband?

“Don’t my dear me you big puddle of slime.” It seemed super wife didn’t see anything but slime. How interesting, maybe she could resist the call of the Purple.

Come to me sweetness.

“Yeah, I’ll come there and clean you up.”

The creature’s hold on him had weakened as SYP stopped walking forward. Then SYP saw what was coming, “Everyone look away.” He screwed his eyes shut as he felt the heat wash over him. His very spine quivered even though it was not directed towards him. When it past he opened his eyes to see that the Purple had been reduced to a pillar of salt.

He heard everyone asking what happened, but he knew. Super Wife had pulled out the big guns and used her Super Glare. This frightful weapon was just too powerful. Only once had SYP pushed so far that she unleashed the look upon him. That was enough.

“How d
id you get here?”

“Well, you didn’t check in and I tried calling but the phones were down. That’s why I called mom and had her come stay with the kids while I came here to save your butt.”

SYP’s heart fell a little. Sure they had defeated the Love Crazed Teen Zombies and the Purple but his Mother-in-Law was going to be waiting at home. He wondered if the Purple might have survived the look since it would be much easier to battle again than facing his MiL.

“Come on Sup, get the lights working and we can show these kids how to have a real party.”

Who will clean up the mess? What is the Mother-In-Law going to say? How will SYP explain this to Super Pastor and the Board of Elders? Join us next week, same Super Youth Pastor Time, same Super Youth Pastor blog.