Super Youth Pastor v. the Love Crazed Teen Zombies

This is the fourth part of a series in the exploits of SYP. If you need to start at the beginning of the series please visit part 1, part 2, and part 3.

When last we saw our daring hero he had just realized the danger of the nefarious plots around him. We join our hero as he is surrounded by Love Crazed Teen Zombies with only the Naïve Intern for backup. Griz, the grumpy old volunteer, was gathering supplies for the night’s festivities, but who knew when he would return. SYP didn’t have much time to plan. A group of LCTZs were ambling toward him. He scanned the room for the Naïve Intern and saw him backing into a corner as the infected crowded around him.

SYP had never been trained on how to handle Zombies, but he did have a few tricks to deal with lust crazed teens. When it reached this level he knew the only real solution was a cold shower. Fortunately he had water guns and balloons ready to go if he could just get to them. Unfortunately they were in the storage closet on the opposite side of the room.

SYP would start cutting them all down with his super sarcasm, but he didn’t know if they could be saved. If only he could fly like some other super heroes it wouldn’t be a problem. What he needed was a distraction.

“Hey Intern, got anything you can distract the dead with?”

“I’m not sure, I can try something but it is unbelievably stupid.”

“Well sometimes stupid plays what do you need?”

“Here, catch my iPod,” The Naïve intern shouted as he threw the iPod across the room.

It was a terrible throw but SYP was able to make the catch knocking one of the zombies back into the rest of the group approaching him. This gave him a few extra seconds. Thank goodness zombies are so slow or they would have already caught them.

“I’ve got it, now what?”

“Hook it up to the sound system and play the song I have cued.”

SYP looked at the sound booth and saw a zombie couple in the shadows under the board. He figured he could vault the half wall so he wouldn’t have to go through the zombie crowd but what would he do with them once he got up there. He considered his options as he cleared the rail and as he landed the couple took no notice of him at all. They were so intent on each other it was as if he didn’t exist. He worked quickly watching the couple the entire time but they never knew he was there. He hit play and instantly recognized the familiar beat. It seemed appropriate but SYP didn’t know how this song would help. Then he looked up at the platform just as the Naïve Intern ran through a small group of zombies and started dancing to the music. To his amazement the zombies he had run through started dancing as well. It seemed that Love Crazed Teen Zombies couldn’t resist dancing to Thriller.

The zombies out on the floor instantly lined up and started mimicking the Naïve Intern as he danced. SYP knew he didn’t have long to get to the supply closet but something was bothering him. All the zombies in the light were dancing while any zombie in shadow was occupied sucking face with another zombie. Suddenly SYP knew what he had to do. It went against every instinct he had as a Youth Pastor. It violated the training he had been given in his Bible college classes, but it had to work.

SYP went to the master light consol in the booth. He reached for the blackout switch.

“Intern, get into the hall. It’s about to get dark.”

SYP struggled with the decision just a moment longer and then plunged the room into darkness. The song was still playing but the Zombies stopped their dance and began pairing up. He could see clearly in the dark and was glad to see the Naïve Intern made it to the hall without too much trouble. He walked through the crowd of moaning teen Zombies who were too busy to bother with him. Even when he bumped into one couple they didn’t even look up from their entanglement.

He got the supplies and did what he was best at. SYP began pumping the biggest water blaster and let fly a couple of water balloons. The zombie couples pushed away from each other in shock and then ran from the room. As he worked his way to the hall where he hoped the Naïve Intern was waiting safely he broke up couple after couple with an icy spray. It was invigorating. He opened the door to find a shaking intern.

“Hey, sup” he quavered, “how freaky is that?”

“I think I’ve got the solution. If we spray them with water they run and so long as they are in the dark they won’t attack.”

“That’s fine for you but I can’t see in the dark.”

“Don’t sweat it, I need to you try and get Griz. It is going to be a long night and we need all the help we can get.” SYP started to go back in the room and saw that the Naïve Intern was still shivering with fear. “Hey intern, good call with Thriller you’ll do just fine if you can think that quick on your feet.”

SYP dove through the door ready to start spraying lusty teens but was surprised to see most had left the room. It seemed that the ones he had sprayed were returning to normal but the rest decided to find some privacy. This wasn’t good. At least he knew the zombieism wasn’t permanent. SYP made it to the sound booth and tapped the blackout switch again. He heard a groan and jumped back. The couple was still under the sound board. He almost sprayed them right then but stopped when he remembered water doesn’t play well with electricity. He grabbed his flashlight and illuminated the undead duo. They slowly turned and climbed out of their love nest. They limped towards him and he sprayed them once they were clear of the sensitive electronics. As he sprayed them they began to change. The water seemed to wash the death off of the pair. In the light he could see a faint purple sludge dripping off of them as they were cleaned from their disease.

A quick glance around the room revealed several piles of purple goo. It seemed the LCTZs were actually making purple. Curiouser and Curiouser.

SYP went to the bathroom to fill his water tanks and found three other couples. A few quick blasts and they were trying to gain their bearings as he guided them back to the multipurpose room. He went back into the hall and got the intern and had him take over the room. SYP distributed what water guns he could afford and let them know to spray anyone that didn’t look well before letting them join the group. SYP then went on a zombie hunt after finding that the Naïve Intern couldn’t raise Griz on the cell phone. In fact it seemed that they were cut off from the outside world.

The next few hours went by slowly as SYP went to every dark place he could find hunting the lusty dead. He ended up finding 70 or so students including the ones from the initial counter strike. This was taking way too long and Griz was way overdue.

“Intern, this is taking too long, we need a better plan.”

“Sup, I don’t have a clue. I could play Thriller again but I think that was a onetime deal.”

“You’re probably right, but we can’t spend the rest of the night hunting. I’m afraid that when the sun comes up the zombies will start tring to break out and attack others.”

“Um, Mr. Youth Pastor,” a weak voice called, “I think I might be able to help.”

SYP turned to see the Recluse emerging from the shadows.

“Stop right there. How do I know I can trust you, as far as I know you did this to get even with me.”

“Yes, um … I might have tried something like this but please believe me when I sa
y I didn’t do this. Once I saw what was happening I hid until I could figure out how to get away. It seems that I will need you if I am going to escape this place.”

“I still don’t trust you but what is your plan?”

“Well, you’ve been trying to find them but you need to find a way to attract them.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“Simple, make this place exactly where they want to be. Play some make out music and turn the lights down low. Set the mood and they will come.”

“That might work, but we’ll need a plan for when they get here.”

“It seems that water is the solution, you’ll just need to lock the doors until you can inoculate everyone.”

SYP made the plans with the Naïve Intern and the rest of the group. They would all go to the annex and wait for him. He went through the church turning on every light he could find and then activated the mood lighting and playlist they selected. It wasn’t long before the first of the LCTZ couples found their way into the room. SYP waited while they came in over the next half hour and wondered if this was the best plan as the zombies paired up and shutout the world around them. The last couple found a nice spot in the corner as he walked around the room locking the doors. He was going to the last set of doors when Griz kicked the door in.

“Did someone order takeout?”

“Griz, where have you been? Things have been crazy.”

“I see that, what are you doing man?”

“We lured the zombies here to stop the whole group.”

“Then finish the job boy before you have zombie babies on your hands.”

SYP hefted a large water balloon and smiled at Griz, “Glad to see you old man.”

“Bah, that isn’t gonna do it, take way too long.” Griz pulled out a can of hair spray and a lighter and aimed at the sprinkler system.

Before SYP knew what was happening Griz torched the sprinkler and the entire room took a cold shower. SYP couldn’t believe it. It was over. It was finally over. Then the laughing started.

SYP looked around to figure out what was going on. There in the center of the room the Cool Kid was laughing. It was just plain scary.

“Not so cool now are you Sup?”

“What are you talking about?”

“All of this was my plan to make you look like the fool you are. How did you like having to break all you own rules?”

“Kid, you did this?”

“Sure, but it gets better.” The Cool Kid just kept laughing as SYP looked around the room. The great piles of purple were slowly creeping towards each other. The whole time SYP felt frozen in place trying to understand what was happening. The slime began to take form. In moments he saw the figure of a beautiful purple woman.

He stared amazed at this purple creature when he heard, “wow, he’s cute,” from the crowd. That is when he figured it out. The purple became the object of lust in each person that was looking at it.

How will SYP deal with this new threat? What took Griz so long? Did the Cool Kid have any help? Join us next week same SYP time, same SYP blog.