I keep circling back around on this issue. So many people are so angry and it is making my social media feel like a morass of hatred.

It is funny, because as I’ve grown I’ve found myself further and further away from the hard right on so many issues. I don’t know if this is because I’ve changed that much, or if the “right” has changed that much.

Once upon the time the Republican party was a minority party. That is, they fought for minority rights and also had a minority in the political arena. It is well known that the first Republican president was Abraham Lincoln. He fought a war to free slaves. Of course some people will argue the war was fought for various other reasons but there can be no doubt that abolition was a big part of his platform. This is why the South broke away.

Over the years the Republican party stood for important ideals but it seems in recent times, there has been a big shift away from those ideals.

But wait! The Republican party is in support of…

I’m sure people are quick to point out all the good things the party supports. They want to keep religious freedoms, protect innocent babies, and cut taxes among other great things.

At least that is what they say they want to do. I find it very interesting that the Republicans have a majority in both houses plus the White House, and yet they struggle to get anything accomplished. To hide from this lack of progress the President is creating a three ring circus.

This whole thing pains me because I believe many of the things the Republican party claims to stand for is important.

However, I am completely missing how making a huge deal about how some people choose to protest things we should all support helps us to reach the goals the party claims to cherish.

Instead, it shows the true nature of the party.

Nationalism

Nationalism is different than patriotism. Patriotism says, “we have an amazing country and there are amazing people. Now let’s work together to maintain what is great, improve what can be improved, and cut away what should be cut away.” Nationalism takes the approach that the country is amazing and any one questioning that is a traitor.

Let’s consider an example from literature that I think really captures what is happening and makes it clear why it is evil.

The most universally hated person in the world of Harry Potter is Delores Umbridge. I hate to even use her given name. She is so vile that I typically call her “Foolores Dumbridge” or “we hates her.”

This woman is EVIL. Like, given the choice between Voldemort and Dumbridge, I’ll take the noseless one every day.

Dumbridge believes that the Ministry of Magic is above question. When the Minister of Magic says that Harry Potter is lying about the return of Voldemort, then she believes it is her responsibility to punish Harry and force the truth out of him. She tortures him for a year before being attacked by centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. Sadly, she returns 2 books later as the grand inquisitor. Once again the Ministry has decided that any witch or wizard born from non-magical parents must have stolen their wand and with it the powers they possess.

This flies in the face of everything that is known to be true in that world. If a muggle picks up a wand, it will not give them power. The wand channels the power.

However, Foolores goes all in on this. She doesn’t just use this lie to gain power, she simply cannot accept the possibility that the Ministry could be wrong, even if it is being run by the evil wizard that she legitimately believed had not returned to power just 2 years previously.

This is what nationalism does. It blinds to the possibility that the government and representatives of the government could possibly be wrong.

Nationalism is a big part of what gave rise to the Nazi party. It’s also what buttresses many other evil empires. I won’t go into the history of them all, but I will consider one interesting story from the Bible.

To kneel or stand

Right now there are some football players who feel they cannot stand during the anthem. It is their belief that the position they hold can help bring attention to important issues and so they choose to kneel. They risk their careers, fan base, and even lives considering what some people have said about them.

In the book of Daniel, 3 young men had to take the opposite stand (see what I did there). Their conscience guided them to stand, when everyone was commanded to bow. I’m sure that some readers will be quick to shoot down the comparison. The young men were following the Bible and thus following God. They were doing the right thing.

I agree, the comparison is not 1:1, but consider the context. There was a nationalistic fervor to worship the emperor. Everyone was commanded to bow to the statue with the music. Everyone else did exactly that. I am certain there were other Jews who chose to bow. I am certain there were representatives from other cultures who worshiped other gods who chose to bow. They rationalized the choice and considered it an empty gesture to appease the culture they were in.

These 3 young men did not bow. They stood and they stood out. It was clear who they were and what the cost would be.

In the end it worked out. The young men are spared because of the power of God and so we lift them up as heroes of faith.

Yet we vilify others who are following their conscience.

Why is it wrong?

Patriotism is powerful. In the middle of all of this there is a story about a player who chose to stand when his entire team did not. See, we are quick to celebrate this man because he did what was right. At least in our mind he did what was right.

It seems Villanueva was motivated by patriotism. He served and understood what his privilege cost so believes the most respectful thing he can do is to stand.

The difference between this and the people who chose to take a knee is surprisingly slight. They also believe they are doing the right thing by the country.

Remember, patriotism doesn’t mean we believe the country is perfect. When Lincoln took office, there were great aspects of the nation but there were also aspects that we’d rather pretend didn’t exist. They are uncomfortable to think about. Men and women died to change those things, not because the country was perfect, but because it was worth making better.

When a player choses to kneel he is taking the position that this county can be made better.

To say, “if you hate this country that has done so much for you then you should leave,” because someone believes the country can be made better, then you are spitting in the face of law enforcement, soldiers, and everyone else who has believed this country can be better.

Let’s be perfectly clear here, the men who have been paid millions to play a sport have been incredibly fortunate. They could literally take that money and go to a small, third world country and live like kings. The easy thing to do is just pretend everything is fine, cash out, and enjoy the party.

The hard thing to do is to stand out. To say, “there are things that can be improved,” and to find a way to bring that to the national eye.

Several years back another player was called a hero because he took a knee. Tim Tebow would take a knee as part of his victory celebration to honor God above himself. Many were offended at this, but he did it anyway. He took advantage of his position to bring his beliefs to the national eye and many of the people who celebrated him are full of hate for those who would do the same in a different context.

The reason we view one as good and the other as wrong is because one lines up with what makes us feel good and the other with what makes us feel shame.

Shame

I believe that most of the people who are so full of hatred about this issue are not angry because they believe black people are inferior and should be abused and killed. I believe, given the chance, they would rather see all men and women treated well regardless of color.

The problem is, the issue is shameful. It is shameful like slavery and many other dark marks in our history.

There is an interesting story in the book of Genesis. After the flood receded, Noah planted a vineyard. Then he made wine and had himself a party. I can imagine that after all of the events, some serious drinking would be in order. Noah became drunk and did some serious frat boy level crazy stuff that resulted in his son seeing his nakedness.

In shame, Noah becomes angry. He curses his son and sends him away.

Shame causes us to hide and when those shameful things are brought to light, it makes us angry.

This issue brings shameful things into the light and ultimately it means we have two choices. We can become angry or we can work to fix it.

Cleaning House

There is a classic allegory of the Christian life called Pilgrim’s Progress. During the course of the journey the protagonist sees a man attempt to clean a dusty room. The dry dust flies about and makes things worse. Then a Damsel bring water to sprinkle on the dust and the room is easily cleaned.

This is an illustration of the act of cleaning the spiritual heart. We can work to clean it up but only make things worse. In a sense, that is what this situation has done. Everything is stirred up and people are choking on the shame and becoming angry. We see the person who stirred up the dust as the problem, but they did not create the dust or the shame of it. They have just tried to clean it however they could. It is a big mess now.

In the allegory, Damsel spreads water to make the clean up easier.

This is the Holy Spirit bringing the Gospel into our lives so that we can be set free from the sin. Much like this, our nation needs the Holy Spirit to bring us the gift of Love. By this we can work to resolve the things that bring shame and restore the rightness, and even righteousness, of our nation.

Instead of nationalistic pride, we must have patriotic love for our fellow man and country.

There is great pain, shame, and even anger; however, we can become great again. Not through hate but love.

Let’s stop vilifying those who are showing us our shame, and instead seek the Spirit and power of God to correct those shameful thing for the good of all.

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.
1 John 4:20 ESV

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For one human being to love another that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

Love is eternal where lust is temporary. This is a plain and apparent fact as easily seen as the nose on my face, which is quite noticeable from even a great distance. The problem comes when one confuses love and lust. Often people claim to be “in love” only to “fall out of love,” but in truth they were “in lust” which is as easy to fall in to as it is to fall out of. Consider the relationship between a parent and child. This should be our basis for understanding love because it is our first experience with love. Each party must fail severely and often before love might fail. Parents who truly love their children do so regardless of the choices the child has made and regardless of how painful those choices might be. Often terrible parents are loved by their children regardless of how much it hurts for that love to not be returned. Imagine if all relationships were so pursued.

Since love will always outlast lust, the lover must take time for lust to fade so that love might grow just as a great tree must grow slowly until the weeds around it die and it can be in full sun and grow great and true; then nurture that love through respect and care. Only after those first joys of lust have passed will a couple experience true love in their relationship, the kind of love that exists beyond the hurt and pain.

It is also true that love is patient and perseveres in all things. This is why waiting for love is the only way a relationship may endure. Often a person says to another, “If you love me you will …” but the truth is that if love exists, it will be patient and forgiving. Lust demands instant gratification where love will carry through to the end. Lust is a sprinter that expends all his energy in seconds while Love is in a marathon race and she knows to keep an even pace throughout so she will not tire too quickly or stumble in the many rough places along the way.

This is why so many relationships fail, love gets confused with lust. When those feelings of joy and giddiness fade the energy of lust is spent while love is just getting started. Love must be given time to grow in the absence of lust or it will never reach its maturity. This is a difficult process because lust is passionate and intense driving a couple to spend time together where love is kind and gentle liberating a couple to their own interests. In this, individuals growing in love must overcome themselves and spend time with their love so they might experience a deeper understanding of love. If the lover were to say to the beloved, “I just do not love you anymore,” the lover is lost in confusion. The lover meant to say, “I no longer lust after you.” Love is an endless ocean and lust is a desert wash. The rain will cause the wash to overflow and rage intensely but once the water has flown into the ocean the wash cracks with the desert heat. Follow the water into the ocean and love will never run dry.

In this season of love, consider that love gives while lust takes. Take the time to seek out the gifts of love. The gifts of love are not available at the store but can only be found in time, empathy, and compassion. These true gifts thrive in love but suffocate in lust. When you look into those special eyes and say, “I love you” please do not lie to your heart.

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The actual idea was good. The acting was more than acceptable. The scripting was better than most Christian films and many big budget Hollywood films. I think the 40 day love dare is inspired and would work if people really put their heart into it. I liked the clear gospel message. This film has a lot going for it but did not live up the the hype for one very important reason.

I feel like most of the film dumped the entire failure of the marriage on the husband. The beginning was the worst. The wife was totally blameless at that point. She worked hard for 7 years while the husband was focused on his own pleasures. There is a scene where the wife is complaining to her friends and they are all affirming her complaints and the husband is complaining to his friend and the guy is giving him a dose of reality.

I agree that the Kirk Cameron’s character needed to step up to the plate and make things right. I just wish the film had shown how it takes two people to make a marriage work or fail. The wife wasn’t blameless but I felt that it showed her attachment to the Dr. as something natural because of her lack of intimacy with her husband. If this is true then it should have shown the porn problem as a natural development because of marital problems. No one would accept that though.

I love that Kirk Cameron’s character eventually overcomes the parasite of porn by throwing his computer out. I think that is the solution for some people. If your eye offends you cut it out. That is a powerful statement and is true. I just wish they had focused on the wife’s faults other than trying to find emotional intimacy outside her marriage because her husband didn’t provide it.

I feel that the only time it showed that a wife might have some fault was when the big reveal came at the end of the movie that the husband’s mother was the one that did the 40 day love dare with her husband. In that it still felt really lopsided because there was this whole dynamic that made her out to be the one with the problem and the dad was somehow perfect.

In my experience it is usually both sides that are wrong. I know I’m getting hung up on this one detail but look around. Time and time again men are told we can’t be men. We are told that we have to set aside our desires and even our gender. Guys aren’t the kind of leaders in church and prayer they should be because church is feminized so often. Then we get this movie that is propagated as being so good for marriage and it tells us the same things that our entire culture has been saying for years. Those same things that are resulting in a divorce rate that climbs every year.

Guys listen to this. Love your spouse as yourself. Serve her, do for her, be the hero but also remember that God made you a man and not a woman. You have been made different so your spouse and complete you and so you can complete your spouse. Study her and find out where you complete her. Don’t just give in to the idea that you need to emasculate yourself because you are a terrible male creature. Your wife needs your compassion but she also needs your strength.

Women listen to this. Love your spouse and submit. Let him be a man and appreciate those attributes. Build him up and stroke his ego. It is more fragile than he lets on. Remember God made you different for a reason. You need your husband to complete you and he needs you to complete him. Don’t let this culture emasculate him but let him become a powerful spiritual leader in your home and community.

I think that this is what the movie really wanted to say but it was made by people who have been raised in a culture that depreciates the value of men because women were depreciated for far too long. Instead of husband and wife working together in unity they are in competition and right now the deck is stacked.

I think it is time to set those things aside and grow closer to God through our marriage.

Now if you want to start throwing those stones pick them back up, but first could you please explain why I’m wrong? If you agree with me let me know I’m not alone.

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