So we have finally reached head wear. Personally I hardly ever wear anything on my head. I, much like the peach, have hair so I don’t really need anything on my head. In fact I have more hair than I really need and so wearing hats can be a bit hot, but I do have a few and I love them even if I don’t wear them through most of the summer for fear of heat stroke.

Ball Caps:

This is the only style of hat I own. I only follow NCAA and High school sports so I only have like 3 or 4 hats all Oklahoma University. Ball caps can be worn many different ways, but think before you start wearing your hat all lopsided. Are you cool enough to pull off this look without embarrassing your teens? To be honest most teens wearing their hat like this aren’t cool enough to pull it off and that means you have to be some uber cool YP and at that point it doesn’t actually matter what you wear, show up in a wife beater and overalls if you want. If I wear my hat it is faced forward and straight or if I need to get up close to what I’m working on I will turn it around backwards.

Berets:

If you are French or Samuel L. Jackson you can work the Barrett, if you are the rest of the world please let this fad die in peace. This goes for all similar hat styles.

Fedora:

I know the new Indy movie has you wanting to rock the leather jacket, whip, and fedora combo, but remember, if you aren’t willing to reach back under a giant stone slap as it is crashing down to save your precious hat, you probably shouldn’t be wearing one. Of course there are many different Fedora styles and I have been considering buying something that would probably look better on a 1920s mobster. I guess I’ll hold off on that move.

Cowboy hat:

These are available is several styles and all are totally appropriate in Texas. In the rest of the world they are only to be worn if you are trying to be ironic. Since most Youth don’t completely grasp the concept of dressing ironically you might want to leave the 10 gallon at home.

This month or so of remixes has been fun. If you have been looking at this as actual style tips please understand that you need to dress like who you are. Nothing is worse than trying to be someone else, even if that person is super awesomely cool. Consider Mr. T; this guy is so incredibly cool that he can pity all the fools not as cool as him, but would you really want to sport the 50lbs of gold chains around your neck look? Of course not, first off you aren’t tough enough. The weight would only be tolerable compared to the pain of getting mugged. The worst thing about dressing like someone you are not is that everyone will know it isn’t you and so they won’t listen to what you have to say.

If you are a nerd, geek, jock, gamer, cowboy, metro, … be fully you. You will then attract kids that will look up to you for who you are and hear your message about Christ because you are uniquely you.

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So this is the 4^th installment of how to dress like a Youth pastor. I will be talking about accessories, but be warned that I really don’t accessorize, so expect just a bit more sarcasm than previous posts.

Belts:

The first line of accessories are belts. If your pants slip and fall then buy a belt. You may be tempted to go with suspenders but trust me, those won’t score nearly as many cool points as you might be thinking. Unless you live in Texas the super huge belt buckle won’t either. Personally I own 2 belts. One is for work, as in labor, and the other is for all other occasions. I’d like to buy more belts because they have lots of cool choices right now. I just keep spending my belt money on silly things like feeding my family. Sorry.

Carry bags (aka the man purse):

If you are carrying a purse then you might want to consider a career in music. Seriously. Now if it is a laptop bag then you are doing much better. The trick is to keep only laptops and office type equipment in this bag. The second you start keeping your wallet, keys, and other pocket type items in the bag you have escalated to a man purse.

Cell Phone:

Cell phones are rated based on the total number of features with ease of texting being the single biggest feature. If you have a phone with a sliding or flip out qwerty keyboard your youth will think you are cool and the adults will think you are important. That is all you really need to know. Of course if the phone is larger than your hand and isn’t a smart phone like the iPhone, then it is time to trade up, even if it has a full-sized keyboard attached. Of course, my phone is a flip phone because I love to pretend I’m on Star Trek. I’m a geek though so it’s ok. The only other thing to remember when it comes to your phone is that you can’t use the stock ringtones and graphics. Find something that is uniquely you but not overly preachy. You students will walk away the first time they see you in Wal-Mart and hear “Amazing Grace” playing from your hip.

(edit from original)

I have since upgraded to a BlackBerry. I did it because I needed my brain for other useful information. Life has become much better since. The youth love it.

Other accessories:

I really want one of those leather wrist straps (sounds more manly than bracelet), but I’m not sure I can pull off the look. It is very important that you can look cool when wearing cool accessories otherwise you look like a dork that is trying to pull of the cool look. Imagine Steve Urkel trying to dress up like Eddie and you’ll have some idea of what you actually look like. This applies to all articles of clothing but accessories amplify this truth.

Here’s hoping I’ll be able to pull off the leather wrist strap look before they aren’t cool. I’m starting with leather strap watches and just going with wider and wider straps until I ditch the watch face all together. Tomorrow I’ll be wrapping this up with head wear.

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The great thing about being Youth Pastor is you get away with so much. Basically if you bring back all the same kids you left with and all their same appendages people are pretty happy with you. You can generally dress the way you feel comfortable and it’s all good. Of course there are dangerous mine fields to navigate, but as long as you understand a few basic rules you will be fine.

Tees:

You will likely wear more tees than anything else. The great part is that graphic tees are super popular as well as 80s references. Now some of you are too old or too young to appreciate Thundercats and the real Transformers, but for the rest of you enjoy this while it lasts.

Tank tops:

Friends don’t let friends wear muscle shirts, enough said.

Polos:

Hey these are great if you are into them. I’m not thanks but good for you.

Button down/up shirts:

I actually own several long sleeve button ups. I really hate short sleeve versions, they look strange to me, like it was trying to be professional but couldn’t quite make it. The short sleeve button up is the mullet of the shirt world. Business in the front party on the sleeves. So back to long sleeve button ups. I really love the fact that rolled up sleeves is the new style. It is nice, but don’t make the mistake of rolling your cuffs super tight. For my height 3 rolls is perfect. It leaves the cuffs plenty wide and also past my elbows. I will wear these shirts with jeans most of the time I wear them but if I need to look particularly dressed up I put on one of my slacks, and possibly even my jacket.

There are also a lot of options with embellishments, embroidery, and screen printing. I own a few but my rule is pretty simple. Less is more. They have shirts now with gold covering half the back and really intricate designs. The front is only half as bad but still, as a youth pastor you probably have ADOS (Attention deficit … oh shiny) and you don’t need to get distracted by your shirt. Less is more.

Jackets

Speaking of jackets you really need to buy at least one. You can find some pretty cool stuff with all kinds of embellished stuff on it, and that is awesome but you need at least one jacket that is fit for a wedding or funeral. Trust me you don’t want to be that guy wearing the rhinestone encrusted blazer at the funeral of a 104 year old saint survived by her 86 year old daughter 64 year old grand daughter 47 year old grandson 25 year old great grandson and 10 month old great great grand daughter (and all the other relatives) all of which attend the church. Not cool dude not cool at all.

Remember these simple rules and you will be well on your way to the cool bus.

I have had people argue with my statement that the short sleeve dress shirt is the mullet of the shirt world.

I rest my point.

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OK, so you have shoes, and possibly socks that are cool but not something that will scare your parents, now you need to figure out the whole pants situation. Sure you can just slap on any old pair of jeans or work the white slacks that were oh so popular with preachers in the 80s, but if you want to impress your youth enough to be allowed on the cool van then you will need to think about what you wear.

Shorts:

One of the most dangerous pitfalls any person can face is choosing the wrong shorts. You need to know your body type before you can wear shorts. If you have chicken legs then don’t wear anything shorter than your knees or overly baggy since it will just emphasize those stilts you call legs. If your legs reflect and amplify all light in the room then please do us all a favor and skip this step. If you have something worth showing off remember this, we still don’t want to see it. Cover your legs man.

Slacks:

OK this is a clothing item that will be required for certain situations. I have 3 basic fall back slacks. Khaki for your everyday have to dress up a bit clothing; if I am attending a wedding but not officiating I might go with those, or maybe I am going to a meeting with a particularly picky parent. I might mix it up with flip flops if I want to say, hey I’m casual and fun but still dressed up so parents don’t freak too much. OK I probably wouldn’t do that but you can if you want. I also have pressed grey and pressed black slacks for needing to dress up a bit more. Color is dependent on what else I’m wearing. Both are intentionally bland so I don’t draw too much attention to myself. These are for special occasions like official parts of weddings and funerals as well as other fun events that I might be expected to dress up for. I have nice shoes, shirts, and jackets to go with these.

Jeans:

Now this is the huge decision. Seriously you will probably wear denim more than anything else. Again your body type will define the basic styles of what you will wear. Don’t try and pull off the skinny jeans if you are quite large, it will look like you are walking on tightly packed sausage, and it doesn’t matter how expensive the jeans are that won’t impress your youth. The other big danger is the artificially deteriorated look. You can spend big money on something that was damaged before you bought it or pick up something from Salvation Army and do it yourself. In all honesty the brand will say a lot to your Youth, but if you sell yourself on that then you will have to keep buying the new hot brand. The important part isn’t how much you pay but how many holes we are talking, and the location. Holes in the knees are cool, holes in the seat and crotch are not. General rule of thumb, if anyone can tell if you are wearing boxers or briefs then you need new jeans, the corollary to this rule is that if the answer is briefs you will lose significant cool points. I’m not saying you can’t wear briefs, but if your Youth see them it will super gross them out more than if they see boxers. Another good rule of thumb is to limit the tears and holes to 5 per pair. This isn’t as much for the Youth as it is for the parents. You don’t want some helpful mother going out and buying you new pants because she thinks you can’t afford un-holified jeans.

Of course there are many embroidery options and to that end I would ask you, “are you trying out for worship leader?” Come on, look cool without looking desperate.

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