#10: The dog ate my Bible

We’ve all heard about the dyslexic atheist that didn’t believe in dogs, but my students don’t have that problem. They’ll dust off any old excuse to avoid reading the Bible … or even bringing their Bible to church.

#9: I just don’t feel “it” when I pray at home

Apparently there is something about being around 50 hormonal teens in a building with a somewhat peculiar odor from years of “is that girl looking at me” teen boy sweat (and the girl version) that makes praying so much easier. I assume that is what “it” is because I can’t think of another reason why “it” isn’t at home. I’ll try to bottle the scent so my students can spritz their room each morning before they pray.

#8: I’m not much into reading

I have honestly had this excuse from several students. The same students that have read the entire Twilight saga and who probably read about a thousand pages worth of texts each week. I would offer to get them an MP3 Bible for their iPod but I’m concerned that having a Bible on the same device as some of the music they have might actually cause an explosion.

#7: I feel weird talking to someone I can’t see

Says the person with a cell phone cyberneticly fused to their body.

#6: I just don’t have time to read a chapter each day

I do, however, have time to fill out approximately a dozen MySpace surveys every day. Have you seen those things? They are longer than any paper these kids will be required to write during high school.

#5: I don’t have that much to say to God

Because I can tell Him how thankful I am for everything He has done in about 30 seconds each week. “That whole ‘made everything in the entire universe thing’ was pretty frigintastic. See you next week God.”

#4: I don’t really understand all those “thees” and “thous”

Which would be totally understandable if I had given you a KJV bible but I fond this fancy new version called the NIV that doesn’t have all that. You should look inside before you tell me something stupid.

#3: How can God hear all of us at the same time?

The same way Santa does it. Lots of elves … only without the elves and because He is God and so can do anything and isn’t easily distracted by shiny … oh look a plane just flew overhead.

#2: The Bible is, like, really … old

Yes, and so is the concept of kissing. You should totally give that up too.

#1: If God already knows what I’m thinking then why should I pray?

You’re right, God knows every thought in your head. You should probably spend a lot more time praying for mercy and grace on account of all of those thoughts you’ve been having.

So did I miss any excuses? How would you address these?

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