I had 3 years of college under my belt and several counseling classes at Marriage Therapy Boulder CO, so I know everything I needed to know, of course. Well, ok I might have known that there were still things to learn, so we went through premarital counseling. The sessions were great and I knew we were now fully prepared for marriage. Funny how your perspective changes the first time life falls apart, and trust me, it really does.

About two years ago I met a young lady for the first time. She was a junior in high school at that time and I got her name wrong before she even told me. I had thought she was someone else, but hey I had only been in town for a short time, so I was still getting to know a lot of people. Over the past two years I have taught her and tried to set a good example for her. She had many ups and downs, but in general she has grown in Christ more and more.

Then she shocked me by asking me to officiate her wedding. I was completely unprepared. I have officiated a few weddings, but this is the first student of mine that has come to this point in life. Of course I didn’t believe her for the longest time. Finally I guess my will relented and I accepted that she was telling the truth about getting married, so I started planning counseling with her and her fiancé.

I hope and pray that I can give them the same tools that my wife and I had, moreover I hope I can help them to see that no amount of studying can prepare for the tests life gives. I know when my wife and I went through the worst that we have endured so far, nothing I had learned before could have made it any easier.

The biggest thing I hope and pray for them is that the day they get married be the day of their marriage they love each other the least. That each day they would grow deeper in love.

What advice would you give a young couple getting married?

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Later I learned about some things that really frustrate me. I have a girl who isn’t planning on coming any more. She lives near another church whose YP I am friends with. They have a great student ministry and I’m encouraging her to attend there. She is a very smart and pretty young woman. She is always well dressed but not even remotely skanky. She seems like someone who would be fairly popular, but she is having real trouble making friends. Basically, some of her “friends” kinda hung her out to dry at one point and one person has been really pushing her buttons lately. This person attends the youth group and she feels like she can’t be comfortable here.

Towards the end of the night one of the male students was visibly upset. He seems to have pretty significant mood swings and never opens up to me about what is going on. I got one of the other students to talk to me for him (he was standing there while they told me). The short version is one of the groups has been picking at him lately and someone from that group put a sign on his back mocking him.

I’m really torn because I know the kids that are causing the problem aren’t actually bad kids. They are on the fringe and I really feel for them. For whatever reason they are acting out their own frustrations on people they should be partnering with for their mutual benefit.

Were you bullied in school? Did you bully other people? I tended to be a shield myself. I’d see someone getting picked on and step into the middle of it with cutting words against the bully that would result in myself being targeted.

I’m really torn now, though, because I don’t want to cut down the ones bullying. I want to reach out to them and help them build others up instead of tearing them down. How do I do that?

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