In the last installment of Super Youth Pastor SYP made some poor time choices and found himself collapsed on the ground.

As he shakily stood to his feet SYP was overcome with dizziness and had to sit before buckling again. Already he was surrounded. He tried to get his bearings as the shadows closed in on him. If only he could focus. He couldn’t remember where he was or what happened. All he knew was something was wrong. He hadn’t had so much as a cold since he became a super but this felt worse than any flu ever. He could feel the heat coming off his eyes and waves of nausea were breaking over him like the surf rolling in before a hurricane.

The closest shadow reached to him and he feebly swatted it away. It seemed his weak push was more than the shade could endure and the rest pulled back warily. SYP didn’t know how long he had before they built up the courage to come back. He tried to remember where he was but the last clear memory he had was months ago at one of the many summer concerts. As the summer dragged on more and more things were happening and it all merged into one big blur, as if everything was happening at once not in any order. The more he tried to focus on any one thing the less clear it became. He remembered dealing with the Bored of Elders. At that encounter focus impaired him as well so he tried letting the chaos overwhelm him but suddenly it was so much that he became violently ill.

As the heaving subsided he saw the shadows quickly moving in again but he didn’t have the strength to push them back. Something was pulled off of his face and light came streaming in. It was much too bright and made his head throb. The shadows seemed more solid but he could barely keep his eyes open as they laid him back down. The waves of disjointed memories ebbed and flowed all about him now. In weird moments of clarity he saw medics lifting him and heard the wail of sirens. He saw the panic on Super Wife’s beautiful face and smelled the pungent antiseptic smell of the hospital. As each fragment of clarity the anguish of losing his mind brought with it anger and depression before falling back into the sea of disjointed memories.

He heard a strange chuckle that brought about a powerful feeling of déjà vu. The lights were low but he should have been able to see someone in the room with him. A recent memory came into focus. The laugh he had heard the in the night as he left the church last night, or was it weeks ago? How long had he been in this hospital anyway?

“Are you alert this time?” SYP jumped and heard the machines quicken as his heart raced. “Calm yourself, you might bring the nurses to check on you, and you wouldn’t want them to get hurt would you?”

Was he hearing voices now? Had he completely lost his mind? Strange, he felt more sane than he had since he first awoke into the raging storm of memories.

“Don’t worry, your mind is not completely lost … yet.” The voice was both calm and menacing, but it seemed to echo around the room. “I am not one to be seen. A shadow. I work behind the scenes planning everything. When I am involved none know I exist. I am the best at what I do.”

“Who are you? What do you do?”

“I am the Planner. I have worked hard this summer to keep you busy. So busy that your own body could not save your mind. I struck only after you were much too distracted to notice. I was surprised to see that you have been recovering from my toxin. It seems your mind is suited to the mind breaking affects. I have been well paid to … shall we say remove you from the picture.”

“Wh…”

“Sorry to interrupt, but don’t bother asking who hired me. You must understand that I couldn’t reveal that even though you are about to perish. I would have finished you off earlier but I prefer to work from the shadows, it is what I do best after all. Such a forward move is usually beneath me so I waited to see if your mind really would recover before I moved. This is a first for me so you will have to excuse my curiosity. Could you please refrain from attracting attention while I study you for a bit? Some of the tests are bound to hurt, but you will need to be alert so I cannot allow anesthetic. If you attract attention others are bound to be hurt.”

“Huh?”

“Oh of course, you will need some time to think about it, but I’ll start some of the less invasive tests while you think. It really is important for me to know why you recovered so that this won’t happen again.”

With that the shadows seemed to coalesce in front of him and pull a series of instruments from the darkest part of the corner.

What is the Planner going to do? Will our hero recover enough to stop this shadow? Has SYP actually lost his mind? Find out this and more next week, same SYP time, same SYP blog.

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“And so it is settled, we will keep him so busy he won’t know anything is wrong until it is too late.”

SYP sat bolt upright in bed. His sleep deprived brain was trying to remember what startled him. Something dark and sinister in his dreams still haunted him. As he tried to think he began to realize he didn’t even remember coming home. He has been so tired when he left the church that he just came home on autopilot. He doubted a car crash could have done much to him, but the worry that he might have hit someone in his overworked stupor scared him more than anything in his dreams.

A few restless hours later his phone rang.

“Don’t answer it. It is supposed to be your day off.”

SYP ignored Super Wife as he picked up the phone. It might be one of the students and they need him to be there all the time.

“‘S’up, Sup?” Came the voice of one of his students. SYP was right and felt justified in taking the call, “Did I wake you?”

“No, I’ve been up for hours,” SYP honestly replied.

“Good a bunch of us were getting together for some paintball and wanted to know if you would like to come?”

SYP considered for a moment and then agreed. Super Wife was not happy. They argued the whole time SYP was getting ready. He explained over and over that he knew it was his day off, but that playing paintball couldn’t be considered working even if it was with some of the teens. He even invited her to come along, be she adamantly refused. SYP didn’t understand why Super Wife didn’t want to come. She had been several times in the past and was a great player. They could use the time together. Heck the two of them alone could probably take on everyone else and still have time to themselves. Super Wife didn’t buy into that argument though.

SYP fumed the entire trip to the Paintball venue. As he pulled in he saw the students waiting and put on a smile. They had already broken into teams and were fighting over who would get SYP. He agreed to take turns and got two arm bands with his air and paint. They played a dozen games or so and were pretty well covered in paint when the day was done. SYP had walked into an ambush as the end of the day. He knew it was there but felt bad that the only marks on him were from the old paint that coated the courses. He sent a scout back around to capture the flag as he stormed the breach. He had to fight the impulse to dodge the flying balls and shoot his attackers. He had always been able to see the balls as they flew, they weren’t nearly as fast as a bullet, but now his reflexes were so quick it seemed like the projectiles were thrown by small children, not high pressure gas. As the wave came in he noticed that both teams were in on the assault, even the player he had sent to capture the flag. He reached out and caught the first round being careful not to break it and then flicked it at the one who failed to follow orders. He smiled as the paint spread across the student’s goggles. He laughed as the barrage completely covered him from all sides. Death by a thousand cuts indeed. SYP felt so alive, so awake so … confused.

He looked up at a group of panicked faces. What happened?

What did happen? How did SYP end up on the ground? Who is plotting against him? Is it already too late? Will Super Wife ever forgive him? Join us next time, same SYP time, same SYP blog.

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When last we saw the pastoral protagonist he had just stopped the church split engine once again saving the day. Over the summer a routine set in devouring all of his time. The church needed mending and the youth needed things to do. The Janitor seemed leery of the events at the church, what with having to clean up after SYP on so many other occasions, and the voluminous fissure rent in the church by the bored of directors through their church split engine was more than he was ready to fix.

The youth group got larger with every event and so SYP’s time was spent at or planning the next big thing. All seemed well until the end of the summer led to the confluence of performances that nearly destroyed our hero.

This is where we find him, alone and exhausted.

The darkness was closing in again as another late night beckoned. SYP had been working over 12 hours each day for the past 3 weeks. He was excited that the planned concert had already sold 500 tickets through his youth, but even with the new help he felt the weight of it all on his shoulders. It was hard to believe that less than a year ago they would have been lucky to sell 50 tickets, but word spread fast after the nearly disastrous lock-in.

SYP walked through the dark halls of the church and shuddered as he passed by the repaired cleft from the near church split. Time would heal that wound if he ever had any. He checked the last door and turned off the last light before heading home to Super Wife. She would still be waiting for him at this late hour, supporting him but clearly sad for all the time he spent at the church. SYP sighed as he started the car.

He could remember his excitement when he first discovered the powers bestowed upon him from Super Pastor in order to save him from a terrible accident brought on by his own bravado. He loved the feeling of conquering powerful foes in the church world, but none had surfaced all summer long. It is fortunate they did not for SYP wouldn’t have had time to do everything that needed doing.

SYP remembered to turn his lights on as he pulled out of the parking lot. His super vision didn’t require the assistance but the local police might not appreciate his abilities in lieu of the mandatory beams. There was a momentary sparkle of a reflection in a deep shadow but no movement caught his eye so SYP thought nothing of it. In the back of his mind he thought he heard a light chuckle over the din of the engine, but dismissed it as a manifestation of his daydreams about fighting real villains, not just the monotony of business.

What will Super Wife say when Super Youth Pastor gets home? Did our champion really hear something or is he losing his mind? Tune in next week, same SYP time same SYP blog to find out.

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The ground was shaking under SYPs feet and the drywall was already cracking. He stumbled into the sanctuary are saw a large crack forming at the back of the church and crawling to the front. The church was literally splitting in half. SYP rushed back into the bored room and grabbed the Elder Grump.

“What have you done?” He cried above the roar.

“What have I done? It is what you have done. You left us no choice. IF you don’t listen to us we must split the church for the greater good.”

“What are you talking about? How can this be good for anyone? Tell me how to stop it”

“It’s too late, once the engine has been started it will take on a life of its own.”

SYP threw the Elder against a crumbling wall and rushed to the one that had activated the machine. SYP snatched the controller out of his surprisingly strong grip. It only have one button and pushing it again didn’t change a thing.

“Where is the source of the split?”

“I’ll never tell you.”

SYP dropped the man and went to Super Pastor who was fully alert by this point.

“They’ve done it haven’t they? They started a church split,” Super Pastor lamented.

“SP you gotta tell me how to stop this.”

“I’m afraid you can’t. When powers collide it often sets off a chain reaction that cannot be stopped.”

SYP was already leaving as SP went on. The second he heard the word, “can’t” SYP headed for the door. He could barely walk now but found his way to the sanctuary. The crack was huge. At the back it was large enough for a man to fall into. Then SYP did something crazy. He jumped into the fissure. SYP figured the Split Engine would be at the base of the opening. He fell for some time before tumbling into a cavernous chamber. With his super ability to see in the dark he had no trouble seeing in the dimly lit space, and what he beheld was a sight to see.

There before him stood the single biggest machine SYP had ever seen. It has massive pistons attached to the foundation of the church and electricity sparked within the spinning generators like lightening. It seemed to exude doom, but SYP was still full of his high caffeine energy drink and rush straight towards the towering giant.

Despite himself SYP yelled at the beast, “you come against this church with grease and electricity but I come against you in the name of the Lord, and possibly a little ADD.”

There didn’t seem to be a control panel so SYP started pulling at wires. They shot out great jolts of electricity but nothing slowed the device down. If anything his efforts seemed to make it worse. SYP tried using biting sarcasm to cut the pistons from the foundation but they didn’t react to anything he said. Super Pastor might have been right, but SYP wasn’t ready to give up.

He pulled and strained against the shaking and bucking monster but couldn’t budge it. The device towered over him and not even super strength could move it. The cracking foundation was raining down about him now and he could see the split had moved through most of the sanctuary. The cross at the front was clearly visible now. The machine bucked SYP and he spiraled to the ground amidst the raining debris. A huge chunk of the foundation narrowly missed SYPs head. In frustration he picked up the great chunk of concrete and heaved it at the machine. It wedged into the sparking generator and fouled one of the contacts. The machine began to lose steam and SYP began picking up more and more slabs of foundation. He eventually had to pull out chunks of the chamber wall and throw those into the machine trying to foul the rest of the contacts. As the last of the shaking subsided SYP collapsed. The crack had reached the front of the sanctuary but didn’t split the church.

SYP crawled into the broken and crumbling church. It had not been split but there was significant damage. The church would need to have serious repairs done to the foundation and it would be a long time before it was right again. SYP was exhausted but went back to deal with the Bored of Elders. As he pushed the door open he saw they had all fled. Super Pastor stood there in shock.

“I can’t believe they did it. I thought if I didn’t push them they would never split the church.”

“SP, they didn’t. I was able to stop the machine. We have a lot of work to do but they failed.”

Will the church ever be repaired? What happened to the Bored of Elders? Who is going to clean up this mess? Find out on the next SYP. Same SYP time same SYP blog.

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Last we saw our hero he was succumbing to the Bored of Grump. It seems the dastardly Elder Grump desires Super Youth Pastor to only bring in well behaved church kids instead of following his conscious and reaching the lost. If you are joining us half way then you can catch up here.

Time has lost all meaning. All I can hear is the drone of voices telling me I am weak. I cannot make it. I am not smart enough. I am not good.

My eyes are so heavy. I’m not even sure they are open. I want to stand up and yell. I want to cut this near sighted moron to size with biting sarcasm but I cannot move. It is taking all of my concentration to keep my thoughts my own.

Slowly SYP moved his thumb. His eyes were lightly closed as if in a dreamless sleep.

The Elder Grump allowed the corner of his mouth to twitch as he complained. He was careful to keep his tone steady and even. He has lost control once but not again. He remembered how much life Super Pastor had when he first came to the church. Elder Grump advised against hiring that pastor. He had too much energy, his dreams were too big. It took a four day session to break him but in the end the Bored triumphed. This young Youth Pastor had resisted for nearly a week now. He even broke free once in the beginning. This would be the sweetest victory.

Energy, I need energy. If I could just focus … or maybe not focus. I’m too focused. This is like mainlining Ritalin. If I could find a way to tap into my ADHD I know I could break free.

“So in review I’d like I recap reasons 100-200 once again.”

Just then there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it? I told the secretary we are not to be disturbed.”

The door opened and a young man walked through.

“Hey Sup, I got your text. The key was right where you said it would be. Here’s the Lo-Carb Monster. What’s the big emergency?”

The young man tossed a can of Monster to SYP. The distraction allowed him to open his eyes but he couldn’t raise his hands to catch the energy drink.

“Boy! Who said you could come in here?” demanded Elder Grump.

“Sup sent me a text and said there was an emergency and he needed a Lo-Carb Monster. The place was locked down but Syp told me where to find a key.”

“Get out of here, and someone take that drink from this room. We are going to have to start over again now.”

One of the Bored members grabbed the young man and started pulling him out. Another went to where the Monster had fallen but found a cell phone instead.

“Let go of him now.”

Everyone turned to see SYP tossing the empty can aside. He was standing and he was mad.

“Thanks Tim, you might want to go now. I’ll fill you in a couple minutes from now.”

Holy slammed can of energy drink. What will our champion do now that he has consumed the elixir of ADHD? Find out next week, same SYP time same SYP blog.

The post The Continueing Adventure of SYP and the Revenge of the Grump appeared first on My Experience As....

It has been quite some time since we last heard from our daring hero of Youth pastorliness. His alter ego has been much too busy as of late, but in the calm before the storm we once again see the light shining beckoning the champion of frigintasticness everywhere to come forth and battle evil. If you are new to SYP then you need to go catch up. We’ll wait. Just do a search for Super Youth Pastor in the upper left.

What? You want me to do all the work for you? Fine I will give you some links. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

• Super Youth Pastor and the Naïve Intern is the first part in the story of the Lock-in of horrors in which SYP battles Love Crazed teen Zombies and the dreaded Purple. There are links to the background of SYP in that post.
• Super Youth Pastor v. Purple is the last part of the Lock-in saga. This includes links to the rest of the story.
• Super Youth Pastor and the Battle of the Grumps is the beginning of this story arc.

That should have everyone caught up. Now it’s time to find out how the meeting is going.

“And that’s the four hundred and eighty-sixth reason why you are a horrible Youth pastor, now for reason four hundred and eighty-seven.”

Holy freakin’ Monkey Butt this meeting is going on forever. I can feel the strength slipping out of me. Is it possible boredom is my kryptonite? Are they actually trying to bore me to death? It’s like time has officially stopped. I swear the second hand hasn’t moved since I started looking at it. Is that clock broken? No my cell phone says the same thing. I wonder if they would mind if I started sending texts to some of my students? Maybe I should start tweeting or bloging from my phone. They wouldn’t know the difference. Look at the stack of papers Elder Grump is reading. He isn’t even half way through. Why don’t they just give me a copy to read and we can discuss it later. Look even Super Pastor is nodding off. I think Elder Grump has the power of narcolepsy. How much longer can this go on?

“And for that matter most of the children that attended your little event don’t attend this church or any church that we are aware of.”

Wait did he just complain that people came to church that don’t attend church?

“Excuse me, Elder Grump, could you please say that again? I don’t think I quite understood your point.”

“WHAT?!?! You haven’t been listening to me?”

“No, I mean yes I have been listening but that last statement I don’t think I understood what you meant. Are you complaining that teens are coming who are not in church?”

“Yes, look at what those hooligans did to our church. We need respectable kids like the ones attending 1^st Self-Righteous down the road. Why don’t we try to have an event that they will attend?”

“Respectfully Elder Grump, mostly because they are already attending another church.”

“Listen you little punk, I’ve been in this church for 70 years. I’ve been on this board for 40 years. My son installed the doors that your precious heathen destroyed. I don’t need some youth wet behind the ears Youth pastor telling me why we shouldn’t get good kids into the Youth group. You will listen or we will find someone who will listen.”

Finally some excitement. I can feel the life flowing back into me. I can move my arms and I can feel my feet.

“You go find someone who will listen to you and while your church is dying I’ll be busy listening to God and being part of a living church.”

“Oh no you don’t” Suddenly the monotonous tone came back into his voice. “You will sit there as I read the other 809 reasons why you are a terrible Youth pastor. I will break your will and mold you into what this church needs. There will be peace and quiet around here. Reason four hundred and eighty-eight that you are an atrocious Youth Pastor.”

Instantly SYP sank back into his seat. He could barely turn his head to look at Super Pastor. It seemed his eyes had become alert for a moment but now they were glassed over again. If only SYP had brought a lo-carb Monster or something. It seemed he would have to sit here and listen as the Elder Bored crushed his will and killed his love for God and Youth.

How will Super Youth Pastor Survive? Is there any hope? What about Super Pastor? Can anyone save our heroes? Find out next week, same SYP time same SYP blog.

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